and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
