I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
