You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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