thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
