On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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