i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
