I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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