Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
