he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
