I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
