It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
