Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i think i just lost a toe
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize