I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I need moral support for this bender
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
