He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
