I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
