i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
