Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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