I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
