saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
