How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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