Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
