OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
