My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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