What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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