Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
