I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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