The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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