I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
