I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
