Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
