So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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