you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
