Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize