apparently the secret to your success is patron
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
