Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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