The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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