he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
