i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
