if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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