I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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