I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
