What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Shame is for Republicans.
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