mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
