Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
