The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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