walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
