Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
