So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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