Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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