And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
