You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
