Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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