Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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