I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
