come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Panties = found
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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