Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
