remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
