u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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