i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
3pm strippers are depressing
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize