I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
