I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
