cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
