Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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