Will you blow on my dice?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
