Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
