I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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