I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
