this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
