I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
try to milk me bitch
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