i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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