and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
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