Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
