They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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