Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
