At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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