i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think my vagina is haunted
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
