he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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