sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
