I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
