Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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