I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
