We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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