I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
