I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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