better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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