I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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