I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So much rum. So many feels.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
