O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
