Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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