Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
