This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize