His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize