Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
