Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
