So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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