i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
