Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
