Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
