sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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