Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
