So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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