When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
