I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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