Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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