so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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